Trying it again

So I'm back...

WTH

So here I am again, thinking I would give up the idea of going to medical school, and just stay at my Job. Got a promotion, more responsiblity and a new car. Thought for sure that would be enough to keep me where I was. But no.. I still cant stop thinking about going to medical school. BUt yet.. I HAVE WASTED more time ... I am so crazy..

I DONT KNOW what the HECK my problem is... I am going crazy.. I wish someone could tell me what to do...

Another Day Another Dollar

Another Day in the Rat Race... :)

I am sitting here with my IPod blasting because my inconsiderate cube mate thinks its ok... to chew on a full cup of ice cubes 3 times a day... She really gets on my nerves...

My Future is really weighing heavier and heavier on my mind... I am not sure what to do...

It is getting closer to fall, and I have not registered for any classes... I think I will be taking the distance course for Biochem. First. I have to pay 1200 dollars cash at one time so I think I will do it around August when I free up that much reserve... LOL...

I also need to order the ExamKracker complete study guide. I already have the Audio Osmosis, but felt I needed to add the structure part of it to maybe help me improve over the last time. They have a home study schedule on line and it uses the Audio Osmosis and Study Guides.

For some reason yesterday I started to consider just taking the Caribbean Med School route.

I am concerned about the risk of funding and finding a good residency and getting to practice in the specialty that I want... (Maternal fetal). If I do consider it, it will only be at a reputable school, with all the needed accreditations and good residency placement, and accommodations for my daughter. I have found possibly 2 that meet those requirements.

But at the same time, my dream would be to get into the medical school that is hear in my city.
It has a great program,
My daughters pediatrician graduated from there and I think she is great
I have went to a few activities at that school and think it is a great school...
Also they have a 1year program I can apply for to help my application

PLUS my daughter gets to stay at the GREAT school she is at now,
she gets to stay in dance which she loves
my mom lives here which will really help when it’s time for clinical rotations.

I think I am going to try one more year to try and get in here... I don’t know... it’s hard to know the right thing...

I just know I am not getting any younger… and I don’t want to stay where I am.

But my situation is not so horrible that I cannot stay where I am for one more year. PLUS It will give me more time to save up some money.

Testing my blog entry from phone.

Sent from my iPhone

Wow...

So I am reading back over my post from 2005 up till now...

I am so glad to say how much I have grown...

Perfect... Fixed... that I am not... but i have grown...

I am doing a lot better on my outlook on life...

I a continue to battle with weight management, but I work out on a regular basis, and TODAY.... I will finally be joining the Weight Watchers meetings...
I tried online before, but just was not good at holding myself accountable...

I still have not found love yet, but I have also stopped looking for it in all the wrong places...

I have begin enacting my Plan B.. for medical school...

- I had the option of leaving my full time employment and trying to go at it head on...but was a little concerned about what that means for my daughter...

with how expensive things continue to get, I was not really ready to give up health insurance and a weekly paycheck...

But what I will be doing..
1. committing to a more detailed self study MCAT plan - Retake in January
2. Retaking O-chem lectures to get an A.
3. Taking a Bio chem distance education coarse ( the one at my university is only offered in the day time).
4. Try and find a new health care experience in my area.

So it may not be ideal , but it is the plan I am going with now, and I will continue to be faithful, that God will allow me opportunities that position me for success..

Not sure if this is Sad or Encouraging

Well... Almost 2 years later... (from last post)

I will be 30 years old in less than a month... I am still at the same company but not totally given up on my second career aspirations.

I applied last year but was not accepted... so I was in the 56th percentile of those not accepted.

the good thing about that is I saw major room for improvement in my application, and am working to achieve those things...
I hope to reapply next June but ONLY if I have improved my application.

I am not totally sure ... what I want to write about here... but when i decide .. i will update... :)

Same Shhh Different Day

Soooo..

been a while, but i looked at my last post. NOTHING has changed

except i have finished my pre - reqs and now just studying for the mcat.

working at the same place, still single, about 20lbs lighter but still more to work on

A little better

Well,

I feel a little better today. I figured i would post some of the things that have happened since the last couple of post.

1. got that position i applied for.
- keeps me very very bus
- kind of gets on my nerves
- dont get to do any school work.

but i get paid a little more.

2. Had the opportunity to hang out with a friend I met about a year ago, he is really cool nice guy.. but lives far away, and has lots of stuff going on.

3. Mom moved out...
- more bills, plus i give her money for taking care of my rugrat.
- have my owns space

4. School is almost out for the semester,
- kind of jacked up my grades, doesnt look like i will have any A's but hopefully at least B's

5. Still single,
- been feeling kind of lonely
- had a little taste of what its like to share your life with someone, 2 weekends and would like to experiance more of that... dont think thats going to happen

So all in all..

things are not all bad.

just a bunch of personal issues
Lonely
still fat...
little hard on myself ...

but all in all i am blessed..

thank you Jesus

Life still sucks

well i was hoping the next time i dropped a line it would to spread great news...

but just wanted to stop by and remind myself,

that i am a fat stupid looser...

and that apparently will never change...

Nothing much

Well not a lot is going on. I have started my new job, and I am really busy so i dont get a chance to jot my thoughts down on the blogger much anymore.

But i dont really have a lot going on. nothing is really new. i am doing pretty much the same thing.. Being a mom, a student, and a provider...

Well i guess i will get back to work..

If anyone is reading this is I wish you well.. and many blessings...

16 Things You Did Not Know About Vodka

DID YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT Vodka ?


1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.



8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.



11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.



14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.



16. NEVER DRINK THE STUFF - IT'LL KILL YOU!!

Another day

Well...

as usuall I guess...

I did get that job I applied for. I dont start for 2 more weeks.. so i will be trying to get through these last two weeks in my current position.

My baby got her first child support payment.. 200.00$ 3 and 9 mos later... Wow... what to do with all that dough... my goodness...

and the best part about it, it came with a note, saying this money is keeping him from paying his bills, and it is going to cause him to move back home with his parents....
WTF.... i hate idots.. stupid bastard... dumm stupid bastard...

anyway...

i feel kind of crapy as usual. I feel so stupid and boring and fat... i hate my life sometimes... but i think i have said that before..

well im out...

Bored again

Well I am back at work BORED as hell...

I am getting kind of tired of this. I interviewed for a new Job on Friday, I heard good things, but have not gotten an offer. I am not really sure what to think about it so I am going to just leave it alone.

I was so bored yesterday I took vacation time, and just left early. I went to go see "Underworld II” It was sooooo good... i was very happy with it.

I have not worked out in over a week. I am such a freaking looser. I just don’t have the energy since class started... I complain about being fat, and then I don’t come through for myself. And today I was feeling so crappie I decided to go to Mc Donald’s...

How stupid is that. I had been doing so well. I had not had them in like 2 months...

N e way...

My mom is thinking about moving out... I was kind of excited. It will mean more bills to pay, but at least we can both have our own space.

But on to a totally different subject...

I want to feel pretty, everyone always says that I am, but I think just say that to be nice to me.

I have never felt it my entire life...

Wow... I am really good at complaining... WTF...

Well I am out...

Chill-axin

I thought a couple of these were kind of cute....

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You are a Good Girlfriend

Maybe too good of a girlfriend, in fact. You will do almost anything for your guy. And while that makes you a great girlfriend... In this case, it also makes you a doormat

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Are a Good Student of Men

You're pretty good at knowing what men are thinking But you're not dead on 100% of the time Let your guy off the hook sometimes... because you may be reading him all wrong!

How Well Do You Understand Men?

SSDD

Well I don’t have much to say, or either I don’t feel like saying much...

It’s one or the other.

Anyway.

I a bored at work as usual. I have in interview on Friday for a new position. I hope it goes through because I could use the pay raise. But knowing my company, the pay is not going to be too much of a raise, but every little bit helps.

Started back to school yesterday, it wasn’t too bad, but the first week never is, they spend have the class going over the syllabus. And we don’t have lab, well at least for BIO for the first week. I am not sure about Chem. I will find out today.

I am feeling ok. I am a little sad, but not so bad that I can’t think of anything else.

I have some shit going on at the house that is on my last never, but I will have to put my foot down and end this situation.

I worked out for like 15 mins last night, I was really disappointed in myself, but I just could not do it. I hate the treadmill. I was on there for like an Hour on Monday night, but just could not do it last night.

I will see what I can make happen tonight. I should be home by 8:30 tonight we shall see.

I may have a visit from a friend of mine this weekend, and the sheer fact that I am some what looking forward to this means that I am STUPID...

But what can I say, I just want to be loved... wow I feel even more stupid after making that statement, because love is not what I will receive.

Wow, how does one become this pathetic... oh well?

I guess I'm out this MOFO...

Be blessed.

Well Hell

I’m back on the daily.

I start class tomorrow, not really sure how much I am looking forward to it, I still never finished reading the chapters I was supposed to read.

So I think I try and sabotage myself in some things that I find important

Like My health.

First off, I was doing so well working out, and eating well, but now I have stopped.

And then I want to complain.

Second relationships.

U knows what... forget it I don’t even feel like typing it...

Bottom line...

I do some stupid shit sometimes...

Nothing Much

Well,

It is the end of the week for me at work. I am doing ok today, looking forward to going home. I have been pretty busy this morning so it has helped the day pass.

I just found out this morning that my Electric bill is like 450.00 dollars for the month. That is total BULL SHIT....

I hate TXU; they are so full of shit. There is no way my bill should be that high. I only have a single level 3 bedroom house. It’s outlandish. My bill has never been that high, it’s just crazy.

I really need to change to another company, this is just crazy, but it still takes months to switch over.

I am going to have to get a second job, just to pay for the electric bill. This shit sucks...

ANYWAY...

Not a lot on the plate for this weekend, I need to get back in school mode for next week. I need to get prepared and refresh my supplies.

A couple of my friends wanted to have dinner or something tomorrow night so I guess I will be doing that if we can all agree on something.

Oh and I work at the hospital tomorrow, I am going to be in a place with little action, so I may take a MCAT book with me to read up on some things.

We are actually not supposed to bring reading material, but the place where I am going to work is quite 97% of the time, so I don’t think I will get in trouble. At least I hope not.

Well I guess I will be getting ready to go heat up my lunch, that I am not that excited about today. I also did not bring a fork so this is going to be interesting...

Later Dayz

Still Here

Dang,,,,,,,,,


I am still here. I am ready to go, I think i am going to have to cut out of here earliy today.

I was doing ok, but i got a little slow, and now my mind is wondering. Heard a few songs that are making me think of things that i am no longer supposed to be thinking of..

But the one thing that brings me back, is i was thinking this song is making me want to do such and such, but its not really true, the song is talking about love and being with some you are "with".

the images i have, are not about someone i am "with". which reineforces the fact that i am selling myself short, attempting to replace true love with meaningless lust...

i am trying to hold out... but honestly if i get a call this weekend i think i am going to have to go ahead and accept it and just cry about it later...

Man there has to be some good news to talk about ... lets see... hmmmmm.

i guess not..


MY LIFE....

Yet Another Day Up In This MoFo

Well Well,

Here I am again, sharing my heart with anyone who is willing to listen.

Things are going ok for me this morning, not to busy at work, but working u know...

I finally emailed my cousin and asked her if she would be intrested in moving out of state with me. Not really sure if thats what i want to do, but i am curious to see what she says, I doubt if she is intrested,

She would rather stay where her mom and sister are, even though she is kind of the black sheep there.. But whatever floats her boat.

i was kind of thinking myself if i really wanted to live in Philly, Its colder, more expensive, and more crime. and they dont have apartements that look like apartments in TExas..

Oh well..

i have been falling off on my work out plan, I am still eating pretty decent, but i have been working out for like 15 - 20 minutes and then i get board and dont want to work out anymore, well its not that i dont want to work out, i just hate the treadmill, And since I cant go to the gym I gotta do what i can.

I am affraid i am starting to get a little lonely.

I have not talked with any of my friends. Its kind of weird, its like I dont talk to anyone and then everyone calls and want to do something all at the same time.

But i promised myself, i would no longer hang out with my friends w/benefits, but i havent talked to them either, which i guess is a good thing, because it would be a test of my will power.

But as usually they will call when i am at my weakest. Not now when i am strong, and pumped up about my goals...

it will be when i have had a hard week, and just need a little attention.

but anyway I digress on that gargbage

got another email from my Baby daddy. What a freaking LOOSER...

i am not even sure why he sent the email, it wasnt to make plans to see my baby girl. oh i remeber ... he wanted to complain, because they finally started to take money out of his paycheck for child support... 250 dollars a month.


I have been the sole provider for my daughter for 3 years... and he wants to complain about 250 dollars a month..
I pay like 550 a month in just day care alone..

that does not include, medical cost... clothes, food, ... etc.

WHAT A TOTAL BUTT MUNCH...

ok.. well, i could go on for hours.. but i should probablly get back to work...

i will be back later.. to chat more..

Obviously need more interesting work to do.

I have a few minutes before i go warm up my lunch so i figured i would pass the time. I am to hungry to do anything requiring to much brain power.

A - Accent: not really sure but its not the tradittional Texas accent
B - Breakfast Item: had the instant Quaker oatmeal this morning
C - Chore you hate: scrubbing the tub.
D - Dad's Name: Cant remember
E - Essential everyday item: car keys
F - Flavour ice cream: Pistachio Almond
G - Gold or Silver?: Silver
H - Hometown: West Texas
I - Insomnia: yes, gotten worse since i have been a mother
J - Job Title: Project Integration Specialist
K - Kids: 1 : 3 year old beautiful Baby Girl
L - Living arrangements: Own my own home
M - Mum's birthplace: I think West Texas
N - Number of significant others: None, but hoping that changes... (wink wink)
O - Overnight hospital stays: at least 6.
P - Phobia: The dark, ghost, rejection
Q - Queer?: No thanks
R - Religious Affiliation: Baptist
S - Siblings: 1 older brother
T - Time you wake up: 5 something ish
U - Unnatural hair colours you've worn: Auburn
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: well i have a reaction to raw fruits and vegies, so all of them!
W - Worst Habit: Cursing
X - X-rays you’ve had: abdominal
Y - Yummy: Anything cheesy & buttery soft bread...
Z - Zodiac sign: Leo