Last Day at J. O. B. for 7 days....

Well,

What to say... hmmm... let see....

got asked for some sex this morning by a stranger, well he is not actually a stranger, but he has been acting like one for the past month or so...

Of course I had to decline. ..

First off, because my little one was home, and secondly... hell no... I am not the sex store...

I must admit, it has been a while since I seen him, and it usually pretty satisfying accept for the fact he is not very intimate, and sometimes its a little quick...

SEX... my weakness...
I want so bad not to do it, but it’s like a drug to me.

I just finished this booked called "Addicted" by Zane...

Man, she spoke to me in that book. My situation is not quite the same as hers, but it is similar.

It’s a problem that I need to address, It’s weird, because when I do really good for a while, there is always this major temptation, that I can not fight off.

I want so hard to be true to myself, and want more for myself, and be a good Christian.

But I am weak... My flesh is week.

Is there are cure?

I think I am using it as a substitution for some other things...

You would think with me knowing that, I would make better decisions, but yet I continue to make the same mistakes...

What a dumb ass...

One more time

Ok, so there are like 2 more hours left, and I get to go home.

But still not sure why I am so excited about going home.

I will still be bored out of my mind. At least I wont be at work.

I am looking forward to the beans and cornbread my mom cooked.

it has been a while since I had that. My soup for lunch was not as satisfying as I hoped.


Sometimes I think of my life, and think...

Dang, my life sucks...
But in all actuality.. It doesn't..

I have a job, a house, food on the table, a pretty healthy little girl, a degree, a car..

I am truly blessed considering the alternatives.

So I really should not complain. But there is this thing... This emptiness that I can not explain.

I need it, and I don't know what it is...

I think it is starting to affect me, I am afraid I may be developing a case of bipolar.

I pray I am not, because I do not want to be crazy, I just want to be happy, and I think my obsession with this happiness that I can not attain, is leading down a path of self destruction.

Its strange, because I want certain things really bad, but I wont go to the extreme like some, which them makes me question do I really want it like I think I do...

oh well.. i just found something to do to keep me busy.. for a while..

im up out this mo fo

Still Bored...

I got this in an email and thought it was pretty interesting...

As we grow up,

we learn that even the one person that
wasn't supposed to ever let you down, probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably
more than once, and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt

because every sixty seconds you spend upset,
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Authour - Unknown

Bored as hell

Well its another day at the JOB... 1 day and a half before I am off for a week. I am so looking forward to that, but I know I am going to go crazy, because I wont have crap to do...

I need more than a break from work and school. I need a break from my family.. My daughter and my mother.

I love them both to death. But darn I see them everyday. I feel a little bad for saying that about my daughter since she is my child, but when you are a single mom, and the other parent is a freaking idiot, and a deadbeat, you are the only one that ever takes care of that child.

We spend every waking moment together, unless she is at school, and I am at work.

I wish she had weekend visits with her dad, not just for my sake, but for hers to. BUT.. That's life I guess... At least mylife.

I have never had good luck when it comes to men.

They always are liars or cheaters.. Or stupid, or married, or in a relationship, or want something..

its ridiculous...

For some reason I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

I would be nice to have that someone in my life...
but apparently, I have nothing to offer... Or something, because I just cant seem to get it...

Now sex, on the other hand, I don't have a problem getting, but an actual man, relationship.. "This is forever" thing.... Just wont work ...

I don't know what to do.. I tried the whole.. I wont have sex with a guy unless we are in a relationship for a long while, and we love each other, and all that.. And even then it just doesn't work out..

Crap... WTF is the deal.. ?

I am getting to old for this ...

well That's it for now... Maybe I will be back later

Sneezes and Sniffles

Well,

Its another day up in this MO FO...

I am looking for something to do "besides work" just kidding I am working.. But anyway.. I didn't sleep well last night.

I was actually sleeping pretty well, and then KD called, I had called him like 4 hours earlier and he didn't answer the phone now he calls me in the middle of the night "Are you sleep?"

Hell yes negro... WTF... I have a job that I go to every morning, we are not all as fortunate to be able to chill at home all day...

I hate him sometimes... I used to love him, and would do (did do) anything for him, and he did me so bad... With his bullshit...

4 years almost , and still we have nothing... But yet I answer the phone when he calls and open the door when he comes over... WTF is wrong with me...

so anyway, after I got his but off the phone, then my mom calls,

Are you sleep? Uhhhhhh Yes.. Can you not tell by the groggy voice, or the fact that is almost 1 am...

oh I was going to ask you to record something for me, but I guess I can do it when I get home... Ok... So why are you still talking to me about it.. I am sleep and you will get it when you get home... Get the heck off the phone...

Then my rugrat comes and gets in my bed at like 3 am.. So I have get up and take her to the toilet...
and by that time.. I just cant even go to sleep...

SO of course... I decide to torture myself even more by sending C a text msg. Did he answer my question? HELL no.. He totatlly avoided it..

so I am like.. Dude don't wanna play games with you anymore.. MAN up tell me what the deal is... If you want to walk away.. Say it.. I can move on.. But don't string me on..

I HATE GUYS.... I HATE THEM

I am not a bad person... I am really nice, I am kind of busy and cant spend every waking minute with you, but I am a good person... I give good gifts... I take care of my own business.. And I don't ask anyone for anything..

ok.. So I am no Supermodel... But I am not bad looking,, and I have seen females.. Way worse off then me, with some hotties..

so what am I doing wrong.. ?

guess I will never know..

but I digress...

Today is my last day at work for the week.. That's kind of sweet.. . I have no plans for the weekend... I have a couple of more presents I want to get for my little one, but I don't really have the dough for it.. This happens every year...
It sucks being a single mom... But I am blessed non the less, because it could definalty be worse... Thank you lord for what you have blessed me with..!

So anyway.. As I was saying nothing planned for the weekend. My only real plans are to attend church on Sunday, and I am taking my rugrat to a school book fair on Friday night to take pictures with Clifford the big Red freaking dog... LOL..
Kids... gotta love them.. At least what the law says.. =0 )

ok, well I guess I should bring this to a close...

PEACE>>>>

The First Time

Well,

This is my first time, unfortunalty i dont have a lot of time to finish this up, but i at least want to get started.

I have not quite decided what i want to write, do i want to share the deepest darkest corners of my mind, or keep it simple, only telling the small detials, that wont embarase me... ?

Hmmm.. i guess time will tell.

I guess a little about me to come....